I wish posting my thoughts here would lessen the pain and hatred that I’m feeling right now, but I think that’s impossible. Every word hurts. Every thing hurts. I cannot afford to feel more pain anymore. Maybe he’s right, I do not understand. But I am too tired for fights. Too tired..
I have planned to keep this blog updated but obviously, I failed. I wasn’t busy though, I was just plain lazy and unproductive. So before school starts (which is tomorrow and I don’t even have the guts to face school works again), I told myself I have to be mature enough this time. I’ve cleaned my laptop (threw away unimportant images, documents and stuff), over-organized my things and prepared myself emotionally. I’ve also wrap my brain around the idea that I have to focus, like e v e r y t i m e, ‘cause I honestly did let myself be carried away by stress the past few months before last semester ended. I’m doing this because I want every thing to be right and in place this time. I don’t want to mess up.
So, here’s to doing it all over again in a smarter way. Aye!
The time I’ve longed for is here but I don’t think I still want it now as much as I wanted it yesterday. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe a short period of time at home would be enough for me. I’ve asked for too much.
Unfortunately, the next semester’s now waving at me giving me a ridiculous smile. Wait. Okay. That was absurd but whatever. New things are in store for the coming months. Do not know why I’m feeling so excited for Christmas. I’ve never felt this way before towards it. Maybe because it’ll be the first time to celebrate it with the people that I really love, and the ones that truly loves me. Too clingy but.
Yes yes and the internet’s screwed right now its ruining everything.
All my excitement, nervousness and the overloaded emotions kept inside me for a long time was thrown away. Our midyear workshop was cancelled due to the typhoon. And for the record, the weather has failed our batch (if we are even allowed to acknowledge ourselves the org’s newest batch now) for the third time. Or fourth? I don’t know.
I never lifted a finger off my laptop. There’s nothing to do, but my lazy ass enjoyed spending this rainy day with Awkward. To top it all off, the rain was impeccable. In some ways. Because it’s sembreak. Who wouldn’t love a vacation with a perfect cold temperature that makes staying in bed much comfortable and good?
Luckily, we still have more time to be prepared for our workshop. This is really unexpected. I know I’ve said I like unexpected things but this one’s different. I think no one ever thought of this. I mean, everything was flattened okay. And then surprisingly, I woke up with a typhoon. Or was I the only one who didn’t have the slightest idea that this is possible? Whatever.
Midyear’s moved on the 27th! I am still stoked about it. I don’t want to say that I miss my friends because they’ve been in front of my face for three months! …. but I must say I am happy and (somehow) fortunate to have them.
